Overcoming Feelings of Unworthiness

Saturday was my last official yoga teacher training class! We still have a lot of work to do, but Saturday marked the end of our training classes. It doesn't seem possible that we're already at this point. When I started the program back in September, I had never taught an asana let alone an entire yoga class and now it's almost like second nature. I'm teaching three classes a week and, though I still fumble my words from time to time, I'm loving every minute of my classes.

In addition to becoming more comfortable teaching, I've watched my practice grow and mature. I had a pretty steady practice before the program but now I make time daily even if it's just 15 minutes to practice. And I'm more aware of carrying my intention into my life off my mat, which is just as important, if not more, as five rounds of Surya Namaskar A.

Despite all the work I've put into my training and my practice, I still find myself, from time to time, feeling unworthy of this path. I start thinking about all of my teachers and the enormous impact each of them have had on me. Sometimes it's overwhelming and I start to question whether or not I'm ready to guide someone down a similar path because, for me, teaching yoga is all about touching and helping my students in the way it helped me.

I was reading an old issue of Yoga Journal and ran across a book review of Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach. She addresses thoughts of unworthiness in one of her chapters and prescribes as a potential antidote an ancient Buddhist aphorism 'cold eye, warm heart.' She describes it as "clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind, and loving heart". I think she's trying to say that these feelings are normal and we're actually making progress if we can identify them while at the same time understand that they're most likely arising because, in this society, we are often conditioned to feel unworthy or to pass judgment on ourselves and others. She goes on to say that "although the trance of feeling separate and unworthy is an inherent part of our conditioning as humans, so too is our capacity to awaken."

Reading this review reminded me that everything doesn't have to happen right away. Affecting positive change will come with time especially since I'm taking the steps to make it happen. I remember too, what my teacher says about our first five years of teaching: "first, imitate, then, innovate." I'm still conditioned to want immediate results, but I'm slowly accepting and understanding that some of the greatest changes come with time and patience. I'm also acknowledging the thoughts of unworthiness when they arise while at the same time realizing they're mostly unfounded. I understand now that it's mainly an effect of our society's conditioning and I also know in my heart that practicing and teaching yoga is part of my path and what lies within is much more powerful than what society dictates.