Whole Again

Last night was closing circle for my yoga teacher training program. As I walked into Moksha last night I felt like just yesterday I was walking in for opening circle, but it was actually one year and a month since we first began. There are days like last night when it feels like just yesterday I began down this path and others where it feels like it's been a long journey, neither of which I think are bad. It serves as a reminder that I've come a long way yet still have so much more to learn.

As part of closing circle we each presented our thesis projects. I'd love to post mine here but it's a bit long so I'll have to see what I can come up with. I knew my fellow trainees were talented but hearing each one speak about his/her project was so inspiring. I think we've each found our niches and I cannot wait to see what great things we all do. After our presentations, our teacher asked us what we had gotten out of the program.

At first, I didn't think I'd be able to put it into words and I still don't know that my words did it justice (particularly because I was a crying mess :)), but as I was sitting there a single word came to me - whole. I had spent the two years prior to this program struggling with what I hope will be one of the biggest challenges I face in this lifetime and I felt particularly torn apart. I felt like I had no control over my life or my happiness, but what yoga and this program have taught me is that I am in control of each of those things.

For a long time, I thought to be happy meant meeting certain societal ideals, however, what I've learned is that none of that matters. Now, for me, to be happy means to be completely comfortable and at home in my skin. It means being okay with my body, my mind, and my spirit. It means being okay with where I am because wherever I am is exactly where I need to be. It means knowing that everyday I have the power to choose to be happy and though there will certainly be days that are more challenging than others, if I can find one thing about which to be happy, I can lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life. It's also realizing that the happier and more peaceful I am, the happier and more peaceful those around me are.

And so, yes, I think I chose the correct word, I feel put back together or whole again after this year of incomparable community, support, friendship, love, practice, and knowledge. I like the word whole because it still leaves room for growth because I know there is still so much more to learn and so much more room to grow and I am just incredibly thankful that I have been given the opportunity to begin this work that is yoga and cannot wait to see what's yet to come.

Choose Happiness

I've been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin wherein she spends a year trying to be happier. Each month she sets a new goal or, as I came to think of it, her intention and in November she chose to focus on her attitude. She set out to laugh out loud, use good manners, give positive reviews, and find an area of refuge. What resonated with me the most was her realization that, in order to achieve all four of these intentions, she had to rethink her mindset, cultivating a positive, happy outlook. It was then that she realized she had the power to choose to be happy. Happiness starts within each and everyone of us and once it's cultivated within, we can share it with those around us.

It's incredibly empowering to know that I have the ability to choose happiness. I understand this doesn't apply to those suffering from depression. That's a serious condition and those dealing with it should seek out the help of a medical professional. However, for those of us who deal with the normal ups and downs that life presents, we can make an effort to, for lack of a better phrase, look at the brighter side of life.

When I think about choosing happiness, I immediately think of my mom. When I think back on my childhood, I have such fond memories; I rarely recall my mom being in a sour mood. Now that I'm a bit older, I see things a little differently; I understand more and know that she hasn't had a perfect life (but, really, who has?); yet instead of getting bogged down in the 'what if's' and 'why not's', she chooses to be happy.

I know now, too, that it's not always the easy choice. G.K. Chesterton says, "it's easy to be heavy, hard to be light". When things don't work in your favor, it is easier to complain and sulk than it is to find the silver lining, but, really, what good does it do? I know I'm in a much better mood when I'm not doing either of those things. By no means do I have a perfect track record (just ask my mom :)), but I'm making a conscious effort to choose happiness. For as Tolstoy said, "nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness."