Giving to Get

I think one of my biggest strengths doubles as my biggest weakness. I tend to give a lot of myself - in many ways I think it's a great asset; however, when my expectation is of receiving something because of what I gave, it doesn't really serve me in any way.

Lately, I've been feeling really overwhelmed. I moved a few weeks ago which is a big event in and of itself (as my friend reminded me, it ranks right up there with losing a job and divorce in regards to stress levels) and as I think of all I have on my plate, I have a hard time wrapping my head around everything. More importantly, I've noticed I'm not giving 100% to most of those things to which I've committed myself, which is upsetting because each person involved, including me, deserves more.

When I agreed to all of these things I don't believe I had an ill intention, I'm not even sure I was thinking 'oooh I'll get this if I do that', though I'm fairly certain I was either thinking I need to do this or I should do this, and I'm sure, in other cases, I want to do this (but I think the need and should situations sometimes outweigh the wants). I still think there are some things we have to do that may not top our lists of wants, but I think it's important to think before agreeing to things and to not be afraid to say no.

It's particularly hard for me to say no to things especially when it involves helping out or spending time with family or friends but as I'm witnessing this week and really this month, some of the things to which I've committed to give either my time or my energy are not necessarily things that serve me. For example, I agreed to run a half marathon in less than a month. And although I do like to run, when I agreed to run it, I remember thinking, 'if I don't do this, I'll let them down and they'll give me a hard time.' As you can tell, I was more concerned with what they would think of me than whether or not I wanted to or had the time to train for and run it. Now, two weeks before the race, I've maybe run a total of 10 miles (that would be three runs totaling 10 miles, not 10 consistent miles) and am seriously considering not running it because I haven't had the time to train and would rather not injure myself.

So, in the end, I'm still letting down my friends. I should have just opted out in the first place - they might have been disappointed but they would have gotten over it and I'm sure they'll get over it if I don't end up running but I lose some of my credibility in waiting until the last minute. So, I guess my lessons learned are to follow my initial gut-reaction, to think before agreeing, and to not be afraid to say no. I think, if I don't pile my plate too high, I'll be more satisfied with my experiences especially knowing that I'm putting forth my best effort and others are getting the best of me.